Thoughts

Its weird how my brain only functions at night thinking bout the past and everything that I've done, or shit that i should have not.

Sometimes i wonder why I cant deal with people. Not friends or whatsoever but with the people who has been giving me a lot of attention. Someone who i might have something towards, but will nvr confess or go up to. reason for calling myself an ass, now that you know.I cant help it, I'm just like that. I don't step up and will never will, at least for now..

I really wanna b someone who can listen to you, who can just be myself when we're out together but i failed badly each and every fucking time. and why is that? Funny, i dont even know. it feels hard to feel comfortable around you where i just cant be myself and thats really fucked up.

Do you even know what i want? No one knows i guess cos i really dont know it myself. Seriously at this age, i should at least know what i need or what i like. Sadly, i dont. the only thing i will ever priorotize are family and friends. Relationships is your asking? No. So queer why i nvr did gave chances to people around me, so shitty why i dont even wanna try doing something that i should. Instead, i fucked things up. nicely. indirectly. i know. I've been told, too many times that it feels so numb when someone else tells me that again. Nothing surprising, i'm a fucking stone.

I need help. Someone seriously need to change me. I cant live like this forever. Things could be better but nooo, i had to do something just to push the sparks away? I had to talk like you owe me one fucking million dollars. But thats not what its like, i did not intend to be cold, i did not intend to be someone without emotions. And people calling me heartless whether or not its a joke, well i pretty much think i am. i just wanna know what changed me, cause i wasnt like that 2 years back. I want to think that i was way better back then, and i should be improving by now but why am i not. whats stopping me from doing so? can someone just tell me off?

All i think of now is, i just wanna have fun. I just wanna have fun and all the fun i can have. Parents are obviously an obstacle but i think thats the only way for me to break free. I dont wanna think ahead bout anything at all. Just think whatever you like. U might think that i've changed like many did, i'm not surprised cos i'm not what you think or what u expect. I'm someone you cant rely on, no one can. really. I'm not perfect i dont wanan be perfect. I'm not someone you can even trust. its good though. Cos selfishly thinking i dont need extra burden. I have more than enough friends and thats what i need. So if you're just gonna give me nothing but trouble, i'll just fuck myself awayfrom you. Its not anyone to blame but myself. The shit that i put on my own head so its for me to mend but since i cant do it, we'll just have to do it the childish way, if you know what i mean.Its so true that you cant rely on a person until you really know them well.Take it as a lesson. I M N S. I deserve nothing.

xoxo
I M N S

Somehow...

Have you ever felt this way...
You know your gonna get into deep shit,
But you're still doing it.
NICE.
I wonder how can people be that stupid at times.
Blinded?
Maybe.
Desperate?
Hmmm..perhaps yes, but most prolly no.
OR, your just willing to cos he/she/it is too DMF important to you.
Telling you that I havent been there, BULLSHIT.

Sometimes i wonder
what is it like if someone were born without emotions.
That you will not have any feelings at all when it comes to anything
Would'nt it be better off that way?
But then again, if we ARE like that,
then we'll be like robots.
Hmmm,nope.not fun.
This is reality and i couldnt agree more that, Reality do suck.

xoxo
I.M.N.S

Langsat Dy Aw's

HELLO GORGEOUSSSSSSS ; )

Yes its 5 am and I am....

Currently planning my soulmate's bigarse birthday!!

SHOOO DAMN MOTHAFUCKING HAPPY!

*its gonna be a bonus if it turns out like what it should be*

Well, I'm a first timer in this so lets just hope everything turns out fine :)

and owh its gonnabe sooo much about booze baybeeeee!! :D

she is GOINGDOWN!!!!!SIX FEET UNDER HAHAHAHA!!

I am imagining right now, shes gonna be walking around at 9, running around at 10, cursing like fuck around 11, swaying from left to right at 1130,crawling on the floor at 12, and hugging the toilet bowl at 1. HAHAHA NICE!!!!!

see how hard I am laughing, no joke no joke.too realistic.

So my dearest soulmate, be ready k,be VERY READYYYYYYY!!!

I LOVE YOUU!!

xoxo

-I.M.N.S-

PYD

Why do people like to fucking assume so much without asking the person involved?

so smart go fucking be a fortune teller la TIU.

yes i am not happy bout certain things that I was told.

And i'm hate it when ppl starts to assume shit about me.

And FYI, i'm not DATING anyone right now.

So what now, the fact that i enjoy spending time with the them means that its gotta be something boyond that? The fact that people keep talking about it, makes me wanna puke on their faces.

Lemme tell you what, sometimes things might be not like what you think.

Sometimes you will HAVE TO do something or sacrifice just to make the other party die upon you if your smart enough to know what i mean.

I have so much thoughts in mind after the few incidents that it stabs me in my chest everytime I try to understand how you feel.

I might not be able to know how u exactly feel but hey, we're of the same gender how far can you even go?

I know its hard for you to go on like this that your suffering deep down but I honestly dont know what else can I do anymore.

I cannot be that someone for my own personal reasons. Its not that your not good enough its not about appearance to me, your almost perfect. Besides being stubborn like fuck.

Its hard to explain how i feel right now, and I dont even wanna go there.

I guess showing interest in some guy would only make you feel worse bout me.
Stupid to think that your feelings will be dead and burried six feet under.
I dont think so.

I just think, i care too much. You dont know, and you will never know. I cannot express every single thing that I want to because I know it means hell alot to you. I dont want you to keep hanging on like this. Sometimes i wish we never met. I put you through hell. So fucked up that I wish I could die right now.

My actions will tell you the other way around. But do you even know what am I thinking?

Guess not.

I had the chances to just go all the way with someone else but something is stopping me from doing it. I wanna know what is it.

I just hope that, no matter how fucked up your family is right now, I am here.

Wish i had the balls to tell this to you face to face.

Life is not perfect afterall.So true.

I'm sorry I cant be your world.

I just need some space to breath in.

xoxo
I.M.N.S

Maybe baby...

Sometimes life cant be the way you want it to be

i'm well aware of that.sucks but true.

And i just wanna say, I'm a confused child.

At the age of 22 and I dont even know what I want,

or at least, who am I.

What a LOSER.

p/s: maybe, in another life? and I will definitely miss you when your away.

xoxo
I.M.N.S

All american projects

AAR was awesome balls!!

Despite the crowd

Despite the rain

Despite the bloody wait

Despite the fact that i cant see shit not even their heads.

And I think everyone SWEATED like fuck . No kidd.

But overall, they rocked ducks yohh!

however, someshit came into my mind right after that.

Its time to stop.for real. everything is just not right.

Your smart but Ee von aint dumb either.

wtv

big thanks to Michelle though. you made my night worth while.

I LOVE YOU :)

xoxo

I M N S

Walk with me?

Karma?

yes karma bitches.

Are you even for real?

If you are, i'm happy
If your not, then i'll just stfu.

But i really do appreciate the things that u've done.
Whether or not your sincere
You were being very honest thank you.
I just thought that, maybe it is not the right time.
But clearly i dont even know what you were going through.
I dont even know if you really think about this.
Basically, there are too many question marks here.
That i dont even wanna ask you.
Cos I have my doubts.
I'm sorry for not being truthful to you as well.
I'm such a dickhead i know
Or maybe just being egoistical?
Or maybe just being a plain pussy. afraid of everything.
I know you cant always be the one initiating.
But somehow its even harder for me to do what i feel like doing.
To think of the possibilities is already pretty fcuked up.
The people that will get hurt, lets not go there...
So even if i wish i could, conscience will disrupt me over and over again
I dont wanna repeat the same mistakes that i did
I dont wanna go through hell again
One thing i know, * ** ******** ** **** **** ****.
And again, no one can possibly talk me into this anymore.
Absolutely no one.
Dont even ask me about it.
Say hello to goodbye stupido.

X X X

xoxo
I M N S

I'm Sorry, but then again, its just a fucking word.

Hard as I try I know I cant quit, something about you is so addictive.

Leave,

It might not seem like the right thing to do

But I think its better this way.

You might think i'm stupid.

But come on, you're not perfect either.

Mistakes are part of everyones life no?

So lemme be the dumbfuck this time.

I dont need reasons to back myself up all the time.

p/s: you have no idea how stupid i felt when the whole world knows and i dont.AND You have no idea how dumb i felt when i heard THAT name.

Now thanks alot. That fucking made my day.

So yes, fuck this shit. i'm out.

I'm sorry

xoxo
I M N S

Where did ALL that go

Random thoughts clouding my mind at this point.
Trust me, it aint good.
I dont think anyone could possibly understand how I feel right now.
Its indescribable where you don't like whats happening but you got nothing to do with it.
And also, you cant do shit about it.
That's really fucked up.
Somehow I just feel like getting a snort of something and go to sleep.
Thats where you cant afford to think of anything.

I wonder....

Why do people like to make things so complicated when things can be much simple.
Why do people listen and behave based on their instincts when they don't know what lies between the truth.
Why do people keep grudges for so long and just cant let go.
Why do people react based on their emotions and regret right after that.
ALL the why's and no answers to it.

Plain simple, cos we're just human.
We think differently, act differently.
If not all we will be are just robots with no emotions.
Think the same do the same.No excitements and dramas where it leads to, NO LIFE.

Sometimes i just cant help it but to think again and again,
What is wrong and what is right?
Are there even such things?
How selfish can one be, how naif can one be.
Wouldnt it be easier if you just let the bygones be bygones.
Yet, another wishful thinking.
Aint easy i know.
I'm not even in any position to fucking comment on this.
So yeah, ignore me. I think alot and way further than London.
Cant help it.
Whatever it is, i wish you all the best, I miss us and I hope things will clear up in time for everyone.*fingers crossed*

We will all grow up someday and looking back at what has happened might even sound like joke.
Whatever, its part of EFIL. no two ways bout that.
Take care and good night.

xoxo
I M N S

Stress?

Hello, I'm still fucking alive.
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G weiii...
After shitloads of school work, I thought I was gonna die.
Its really depressing... : (
For the record, I still have:

#1. FTV tutorial assignment

#2. Take home assignment ( exam)

#3. Financial Management Revision questions

#4. Marketing report and powerpoint slides

#5. The presentation itself to the client

and when are they due?

friggin Thursday and Friday!! and wait, today's a wednesday!!

how can i possibly finish it all in time? I have no clue. God Bless me tq.

If only facebook and online blogs dont exist.Bahhh.*wishful thinking*
Then i guess i'll have ALL the time to complete everything in time.
Sigh .....
Somehow i feel ppl cursing me from far away too.

The only thing that made my day this week was,

HD's in 3 assignments!! hard work does pay off dont they? hmmm.

And after friday, swear to God I'll drink like a fish in the sea, boom boom shake shake like a monkey saw banana.
yes will do will do.
And not to mention I miss me shallow soulmate havent seen her for ages i am just kidding its just 5 days but it feels like bloody 10 years i miss her cb face and retarded laugh not to mention her spastic actions too i got a feeling if shes reading this she would be smiling 10 seconds ago but not anymore now it feels like she wants to swallow me alive dont be mad me love you muahahaha!

AND I MISS LEONG TOO!like alottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!cookie jarrr * ; )

k times running out.ZHOI KIN.

xoxo
I M N S

READ ME SOULMATE

STEFANIE LANGSAT DY AW

IS

CURRENTLY

TRYING

HER

VERY

BEST TO

GOOGLE

MY BLOG.

Try harder sweetie ;) u can do it!!

Thats Langsat in the middle * stupido*

feel the love leh? nyehehehe.

xoxo

I M N S

That Adrenaline Rush

Lemme share a lil something about myself with you
I like pain.Like alot of pain.
Its hard to precisely describe how i feel when the pain is there but all i know is,
I feel the adrenaline rush, yes, thats the word.
That prolly explains why am so in love with body art and piercings.
I got like so many holes on my ears until i notice it was getting pretty fugly
Therefore i took it all off !
And also, i'm afraid that it would start to sag.like come on...
boobs sag when their too heavy dont they?!
My tattoo experience was good cos the pain was..hmmm
quite layan lah i can say..it feels like..the sound of it.
Not a tad of pain until when it comes to the end where Julian poured alcohol on it..
and you'll feel the stinging sensation which is
FUCKING SOONG!! pain yes but more to the satisfaction felt inside.Bloody orgasmic.
I know i sound like some psychotic person right now some say SM wtf.
I'm not lah.Tiu.
Until i decided to pierce my eye brows but my mum wouldn't allow me to.
therefore the tongue, as a rebound :)
Plus, my soulmate said something bout we're not suppose to do anything to the face cos it'll prolly change your luck or something. which i truly believe.
So yeah the tongue.
The process was pretty freaky cos there wasn't any antiseptic or whatsoever to apply b4 doing it. It was just, cleaning it, pulling it out, *tighten it* and BAM! there goes the needle.
And not to mention the needle was pretty huge.
I did mine @ Zoo Body Art, Sg Wang.Pretty professional i can say.Very clean as well.
Th healing process took about 1 month.No eggs no seafood no oral contact.
Easy, no?
I still rmb the conversation right after piercing when myself and friends were so fucking hungry ...
Landed in Delicious @ MV

Sher: Eh so what u wanna eat
Me: PASTA!
Sher: U crazy ah eat soup lah
Me: No man fucking hungryyy!

I ended up ordering a ceaser salad and it took me 10 bloody minutes to finish up
ONE FUCKING LEAF.yeah you got that right.ONE FUCKING ROMAINE LETTUCE!

Therefore yours truly could only stare at the food and drink water
HENG AHHHH

And also pretend not to listen to the rest when they go

"NO OFFENCE WEI BUT THE PASTA DAMNMOTHAFUCKING GOOD"

"yeah i know" * middle finger* thanks ah.i love you all.

Not to mention there was also some speech problem for me sigh.
I got a friend name Marshella and apparently she was...MAHEILAA for the day.
Sorry lahhhh chi lei kan mahhhh!!!
So that was basically it. :)

OK i'll stop babbling now. Crap too much.Back to work.

xoxo
I M N S

I cant wait

Short post as i'm running out of time.
I CANT WAIT!! yes, thats the magic word.!
Friday it is but will just have to double up the studying period before that -_-'
hate that stuff.
And apparently, this will be the last week of the entire semester.
How time flies :(
I'll be graduating * fingers crossed *
and yes, i miss you booze. alot alot alot hell damn alot!

I M N S fucking off to bed. till then :)

Xoxo
I M N S

Its All a Blank

Its all a blank, the title says it all.
The thoughts are filled up but yet there are no actions taken.
Its like facing the finals when your not even prepared.
Therefore, its all a blank.
yeah what the fuck am I even talking about.
Sometimes it feels as if I cant always be the good person. But then again, if i ever go ahead, its would be like a stab in her chest.
It would sound like a betrayal to her, although its not even close.
Just the fact that i would not have the balls to confront her if this really happen.
So many WHAT IF'S to think about and sometimes you get people saying...
SO WHAT?!WHY WOULD YOU EVEN GO THINKING THAT FAR AHEAD?!
well, its easy to say if your not in the situation I can tell.
So then maybe I should just for go it...
Then will i be happy? maybe, maybe not or not even close. who knows anyway.
So yeah, thanks and goodbye to YOU.

xoxo
I M N S