Thoughts

Its weird how my brain only functions at night thinking bout the past and everything that I've done, or shit that i should have not.

Sometimes i wonder why I cant deal with people. Not friends or whatsoever but with the people who has been giving me a lot of attention. Someone who i might have something towards, but will nvr confess or go up to. reason for calling myself an ass, now that you know.I cant help it, I'm just like that. I don't step up and will never will, at least for now..

I really wanna b someone who can listen to you, who can just be myself when we're out together but i failed badly each and every fucking time. and why is that? Funny, i dont even know. it feels hard to feel comfortable around you where i just cant be myself and thats really fucked up.

Do you even know what i want? No one knows i guess cos i really dont know it myself. Seriously at this age, i should at least know what i need or what i like. Sadly, i dont. the only thing i will ever priorotize are family and friends. Relationships is your asking? No. So queer why i nvr did gave chances to people around me, so shitty why i dont even wanna try doing something that i should. Instead, i fucked things up. nicely. indirectly. i know. I've been told, too many times that it feels so numb when someone else tells me that again. Nothing surprising, i'm a fucking stone.

I need help. Someone seriously need to change me. I cant live like this forever. Things could be better but nooo, i had to do something just to push the sparks away? I had to talk like you owe me one fucking million dollars. But thats not what its like, i did not intend to be cold, i did not intend to be someone without emotions. And people calling me heartless whether or not its a joke, well i pretty much think i am. i just wanna know what changed me, cause i wasnt like that 2 years back. I want to think that i was way better back then, and i should be improving by now but why am i not. whats stopping me from doing so? can someone just tell me off?

All i think of now is, i just wanna have fun. I just wanna have fun and all the fun i can have. Parents are obviously an obstacle but i think thats the only way for me to break free. I dont wanna think ahead bout anything at all. Just think whatever you like. U might think that i've changed like many did, i'm not surprised cos i'm not what you think or what u expect. I'm someone you cant rely on, no one can. really. I'm not perfect i dont wanan be perfect. I'm not someone you can even trust. its good though. Cos selfishly thinking i dont need extra burden. I have more than enough friends and thats what i need. So if you're just gonna give me nothing but trouble, i'll just fuck myself awayfrom you. Its not anyone to blame but myself. The shit that i put on my own head so its for me to mend but since i cant do it, we'll just have to do it the childish way, if you know what i mean.Its so true that you cant rely on a person until you really know them well.Take it as a lesson. I M N S. I deserve nothing.

xoxo
I M N S

Somehow...

Have you ever felt this way...
You know your gonna get into deep shit,
But you're still doing it.
NICE.
I wonder how can people be that stupid at times.
Blinded?
Maybe.
Desperate?
Hmmm..perhaps yes, but most prolly no.
OR, your just willing to cos he/she/it is too DMF important to you.
Telling you that I havent been there, BULLSHIT.

Sometimes i wonder
what is it like if someone were born without emotions.
That you will not have any feelings at all when it comes to anything
Would'nt it be better off that way?
But then again, if we ARE like that,
then we'll be like robots.
Hmmm,nope.not fun.
This is reality and i couldnt agree more that, Reality do suck.

xoxo
I.M.N.S

Langsat Dy Aw's

HELLO GORGEOUSSSSSSS ; )

Yes its 5 am and I am....

Currently planning my soulmate's bigarse birthday!!

SHOOO DAMN MOTHAFUCKING HAPPY!

*its gonna be a bonus if it turns out like what it should be*

Well, I'm a first timer in this so lets just hope everything turns out fine :)

and owh its gonnabe sooo much about booze baybeeeee!! :D

she is GOINGDOWN!!!!!SIX FEET UNDER HAHAHAHA!!

I am imagining right now, shes gonna be walking around at 9, running around at 10, cursing like fuck around 11, swaying from left to right at 1130,crawling on the floor at 12, and hugging the toilet bowl at 1. HAHAHA NICE!!!!!

see how hard I am laughing, no joke no joke.too realistic.

So my dearest soulmate, be ready k,be VERY READYYYYYYY!!!

I LOVE YOUU!!

xoxo

-I.M.N.S-

PYD

Why do people like to fucking assume so much without asking the person involved?

so smart go fucking be a fortune teller la TIU.

yes i am not happy bout certain things that I was told.

And i'm hate it when ppl starts to assume shit about me.

And FYI, i'm not DATING anyone right now.

So what now, the fact that i enjoy spending time with the them means that its gotta be something boyond that? The fact that people keep talking about it, makes me wanna puke on their faces.

Lemme tell you what, sometimes things might be not like what you think.

Sometimes you will HAVE TO do something or sacrifice just to make the other party die upon you if your smart enough to know what i mean.

I have so much thoughts in mind after the few incidents that it stabs me in my chest everytime I try to understand how you feel.

I might not be able to know how u exactly feel but hey, we're of the same gender how far can you even go?

I know its hard for you to go on like this that your suffering deep down but I honestly dont know what else can I do anymore.

I cannot be that someone for my own personal reasons. Its not that your not good enough its not about appearance to me, your almost perfect. Besides being stubborn like fuck.

Its hard to explain how i feel right now, and I dont even wanna go there.

I guess showing interest in some guy would only make you feel worse bout me.
Stupid to think that your feelings will be dead and burried six feet under.
I dont think so.

I just think, i care too much. You dont know, and you will never know. I cannot express every single thing that I want to because I know it means hell alot to you. I dont want you to keep hanging on like this. Sometimes i wish we never met. I put you through hell. So fucked up that I wish I could die right now.

My actions will tell you the other way around. But do you even know what am I thinking?

Guess not.

I had the chances to just go all the way with someone else but something is stopping me from doing it. I wanna know what is it.

I just hope that, no matter how fucked up your family is right now, I am here.

Wish i had the balls to tell this to you face to face.

Life is not perfect afterall.So true.

I'm sorry I cant be your world.

I just need some space to breath in.

xoxo
I.M.N.S

Maybe baby...

Sometimes life cant be the way you want it to be

i'm well aware of that.sucks but true.

And i just wanna say, I'm a confused child.

At the age of 22 and I dont even know what I want,

or at least, who am I.

What a LOSER.

p/s: maybe, in another life? and I will definitely miss you when your away.

xoxo
I.M.N.S

All american projects

AAR was awesome balls!!

Despite the crowd

Despite the rain

Despite the bloody wait

Despite the fact that i cant see shit not even their heads.

And I think everyone SWEATED like fuck . No kidd.

But overall, they rocked ducks yohh!

however, someshit came into my mind right after that.

Its time to stop.for real. everything is just not right.

Your smart but Ee von aint dumb either.

wtv

big thanks to Michelle though. you made my night worth while.

I LOVE YOU :)

xoxo

I M N S