its weird how i only blog when i feel uneasy bout certain things
but sometimes when i'm feeling it i cant really blog cos i dont know where and how to start,
just like now..
this few months made me realize that so many things changed
i just visited my granma and she looks really frail now.
recalling the times back then when she took care of all of us when we were younger,
i dont know but somehow it hurts.
i know its normal. ppl get older and they leave. thats something that i'll have to accept.
but the fact that me myself being so ignorant bout many things just made it worse
yes, i take things for granted and it might be too late to repent.
or maybe not...
i'll keep that in mind
My parents have not been in good terms these days
every sentence they make, there has to be something bout splitting up
Weird. it doesn't bother me. i wonder why.
i dont even know how to explain myself right now
where i dont feel a thing when they start arguing or start making statements bout getting a divorce.
it sucks. i care but i'm not good at showing it.
and that i feel robotic and cold blooded every time this happens. whats happening?
Am i being an ass? or rather less emotional?
well, i just thought to myself that, if ever two person are not happy with each other,
then just fucking split up. save your anger and shouting about on something better.
Fucked up to say that when they're my parents?
Tell it to my face then. But dont fucking tell me shit bout..
you dont know how it feels when this or that.
doesnt work. you've been through hell and its not like i did not. everyone's different.
Its too early to complain when you're just 23.trust me on that.
The fact is that, i wanna move out and live on my own
but i nvr had the guts to tell my mum. I know she would be furious.
and you think its that easy? aint that easy i tell you.
esp when you start off with the monthly bills.
yes, i dont wanna rely on my parents once i start working.
i wanna feel the freedom without having parents around.
selfish to say that. But i hate it when my mum starts to control.
i know i should not be saying that, cos theres a valid reason for it.
theres so many things that i've done to made her do this to me
but hey, i'm almost an adult now.
why would you still control me like i'm your fucking tv?
I'm sorry but i seriously hate it.
I know you care i know its love but clearly,
we're two different individuals
things that i like would be the last on your list
things that i do would be the things that you despise.
how do we work things out when both are equally stubborn?
you cant.you just cant.
Friends.
Is is that hard to say no to someone?
that occurs to me. and i'm still finding my way out this stupidity that i had for years.
and again i know whatever that you guys tell me to do or not to,
its for my own good.
i know that. but i guess i'm old enough to at least decide for myself?
its up to my own consequences.there's where i learn isn't?
i appreciate it whenever friends try to help or try to give you the best
but during certain times, i'd prefer it if you just let me do what i wanna do.
I'm not perfect i know i might be stupid i might be ignorant
aaaahhhhhhhhhhh its so tiring
when you feel like a baby at home, and outside sometimes.
right now, i feel fucking down.
i'm not having my so called emotional moments
just pissed offf bout many things.
I just wanna sit, grab a pizza or burger with extra cheese and nachos, together with cigarettes and beer. and a companion of course.just one girl :)
i have her just in mind right now :))) perfect.
sounds like heaven to me :)
thanks and bye
xoxo
-I.M.N.S-
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